Recently, we decided to go out for a nice, relaxing supper.

Instead, we nearly got run over . . . and all because of a dispute regarding a parking spot.

We have a member of our group who has COPD. This person is not able to travel very far on foot so it’s imperative we park close to where ever we are going.

For those who aren’t familiar with the term, COPD is a chronic and progressively degenerative lung condition that causes decreased energy, coughing, wheezing and limited airflow. Even mild walking can result in shortness of breath that leaves sufferers gasping for air. This particular person has a valid accessibly permit so they can utilize spots designated for those with disabilities.

Unfortunately, the restaurant we’d chosen had no reserved spots nearby, so we drove around the block three times in the hopes something suitable would open up.  Eventually, we gave up and set out on foot.

This was by no means ideal. The person with COPD, who has also had a quadruple bypass, was quite concerned about the distance and expressed doubts about whether they could make it that far. Still, they gave it a go. We moved slowly, taking breaks as we went. The whole mess was turning what should have been an enjoyable experience into a bit of a misery. I actually contemplated whether or not we should just go back to the vehicle and pick up take-out instead. A night out isn’t pleasant if you have to spend the first several minutes after arrival fighting to breathe.

Still we’d all been looking forward to eating out so we pressed forward. It continued to be a struggle so during one of our breaks, I told everyone to just stay where they were and I’d go see if, by some miracle, a spot had opened up close to our destination.

To my pleasant surprise, there was one. I sent word back to not attempt to walk any further but rather to go back and move the vehicle around while I stood in the spot to reserve it.

Another member of our party joined me in the spot so there would be no doubt what our intention was. Yet, despite the fact there were now two bodies there waving people on, a car still tried to pull in. We explained why we were reserving it but we were yelled at and told to get out of the way.

That just made me more obstinate.

The whole affair had already become physically and mentally exhausting for the person with the disability. We were all feeling their frustration and were concerned about how exhausted played-out this person had become from what, for a healthy person, would have been nothing more than a pleasant stroll.

All that went through my mind was how much more upset they were going to be after having walked back to the vehicle to move it around the block yet again, only to find out they were going to have to go back and try and get to the restaurant on foot once more (a task that hadn’t been accomplished the first time).

Truly, I was angry. How could some stranger be so self-involved and consumed with anger that they couldn’t understand that perhaps .  . . maybe . . . there might be someone in the world whose needs took precedence over their own selfish desires?

Neither I, nor the other person with me, were about to retreat so easily. We continued to stand in the spot only to have this crass, self-involved individual continue to move forward.

Eventually we had no choice but to move. He came darn close to hitting the other person with me. There is no doubt in my mind that had we had continued to stand where we were, he would have accidentally-on-purpose tried to mow us down.

As he exited his vehicle, I sarcastically thanked him for his kindness. He, as equally sarcastic, told me that I was welcome.

The other person with me was not so kind and used a bit more colorful language. I think, perhaps, he deserved that a bit more.

I was beyond ticked. The spot was needed by someone with serious health concerns. It was obviously reserved. Not only that, we’d technically been there first. I don’t care if our vehicle wasn’t in the spot, our bodies were. Furthermore, our  vehicle had passed that particular spot three times already. We’d been driving around that same dang block for more than ten minutes. Sure, our vehicle was not presently there but it had been at that spot ten minutes prior, then again seven minutes prior, then a third time four minutes prior and was now on it’s way there a fourth time. If ownership of the spot was based solely on who got their first, it should have been ours.

None of that mattered to Mr. Self-Absorbed; to Mr. I-Could-Care-Less. He showed absolutely no remorse for his actions.

Why was it necessary that he have that particular spot when there were others available to him, some even closer to his destination? Why did he need to take that spot from someone whose circumstances dictated he should be given preference? From someone who has served in the military and been decorated for his service? Why was he willing to possibly injure someone to park in a place he used for less than five minutes while he dashed across the street to pick up a pizza?

I don’t really know.

What I do know is he popped out of his car, moved across the street with the greatest of ease and was back in his vehicle quicker than the person we’d originally been saving the spot for was able to cover less than half the distance to the door of the place we were headed to from the new spot we were forced to park in.

Yet, even the fact he’d taken the spot by force didn’t seem to be enough to placate him. As he was getting back into his vehicle he continued to yell some kind of foolish nonsense at us. I have no idea what. I wasn’t about to waste so much as a second more on his idiocy so I completely ignored every toxic word he spewed. I focused my attention on walking and chatting with the person who could have really used that spot instead of giving the loud windbag any more power to ruin our evening. Still, by the time we got into the restaurant, the person I was with was so out-of-breath that they had to immediately sit down, which was truly exasperating. It was a situation that hadn’t needed to occur if a little common courtesy had prevailed.

I could have understood the thoughtless actions had there been no other places to park but there were other options available. As I said already, one of those options was the spot we eventually parked in, which was further away from our destination but closer to the other guy’s. He was simply a conceited twit involved in a power struggle to prove who was “boss”.

All he proved was that he’s arrogant, self-centred, self-involved and a real stand-up jerk.

Afterwards, I was struck by the fact that he’s not the first one I’ve run into who could have cared less how others were negatively impacted by their actions. That made me wonder: when did that kind of behaviour become okay?

Sure there is a lot of stuff in the media these days about those who are paying-it-forward and, sure, I love that. I’m all for spreading kindness around.

My concern, however, is with the fact that it’s becoming news, at all.

As a former news editor, I can tell you stories aren’t written about those things that are classified as ‘the norm’. There must always be an angle that will draw in the viewers or readers. If something is popping up in news feeds all over the world, it can only be because it is, most certainly, strange and unusual; which is a sad statement when it’s something you’d expect to be normal or a given.

“People All Over the World Got Up and Took a Shower This Morning” is not a headline I’ve read ever.

“Children Went to School Today.”

Again, not something you’d read in your local paper.

Now something horrible like: “Armed Gunman Massacres Seven at Local School”, that, unfortunately, is something you’d see.

When the media starts writing stories about kids raising money to help others or someone holding an event to benefit someone whose suffered tragedy then you know it’s not a normal everyday occurrence. It is something special.

Because the truth is, for every handful of individuals who are doing those nice things, there are two handfuls bullying others, blatantly disobeying those in authority, or wandering around feeling self-entitled and acting like the world owes them something. That’s the sad reality. People like Parking-Spot-Guy are more the norm than a nice person who would smile, wave and kindly park elsewhere.

Sure, there are those who will, on the rare occasion, pay for the next customer’s coffee in a drive-thru line but that doesn’t happen most days.

Most days, hundreds go through that same drive-thru feeling irritable and agitated, they snarl at the people serving them, they complain about the service, they may even rant and rave about how slow the people in front of them are.

On a normal day, most people will walk by someone down-on-their-luck. They’ll think negative thoughts about them as they pass. They may even express those thoughts out-loud. They’ll skirt away from them as though they may become contaminated by whatever bad luck has befallen them simply by getting too close.

Some may drop a bit of change in their cup but many more will hurry on their way, perhaps even stepping up their pace as they cling to their purses and wallets in the hopes they don’t get harassed.

Many more just walk by, completely unfazed. Poverty has become such a commonplace occurrence that they no longer care.  As long as it hasn’t got its boney grip on them, all is good in their world.

I once watched a video on the net where a person fell while crossing at a busy intersection. Of the dozens in cars and walking across the street with them, not one single being stopped to provide aid. They left the person lying there and, as a result, at the changing of the light, a car struck them.

Eventually a lone good Samaritan goes out to the rescue but there was so much opportunity to prevent the tragedy from happening, if anyone had just cared enough to reach down and lend a helping hand to a fellow human in their time of need. It was truly heartbreaking. We all hope that if we’d been in that situation that someone would have felt compelled to do the right thing but, when the tables are turned, we don’t feel compelled to do likewise.

When did that become okay?

When did it become all right to continue to sit when someone obviously in more need of the very seat we are occupying is fighting to stay on their feet?

When did it become okay not to hold open a door for the person behind you or to smile in warm greeting when you pass another?

We are all so busy living in our own worlds that we’ve forgotten there are others existing in those worlds too. People whose struggles may be greater than our own. People who need just a bit of compassion and empathy to make it through that moment or that day.

Let’s go back a little to pay-it-forward. If it was a normal attribute to everyone’s character, an innate part of our natures, what a wonderful world this would be. If it became so commonplace that it no longer made front-page news, we’d all be so much better off.

I love it when someone sees a need and they do what they can fulfill it without expecting a standing ovation or a pat on the back. It’s what we all should do. Instead of dwelling on what it will take away from us, we should care only about how it will benefit others. Sometimes I fear paying-it-forward became an overnight phenomenon only because people became a little too fond of tooting their own horns.

Look at this wonderful thing I’ve done. Lord, I should get a humanitarian award of some sort for this!

But here’s a thought worth contemplating: if you do something good, only with the goal of letting everyone know you did something good in the hopes that everyone will admire you for being such a good person, is it still a good thing?

Perhaps.

Let’s be honest! A meal to a homeless person still counts even if it’s given only so someone can take a selfie and post that picture on their social media page. A belly that would have otherwise gone hungry has been filled.

Karma might feel differently about the matter though. Does she still smile upon the person doing the giving if they’ve heralded to anyone who would listen that they’ve done this great and awesome thing?

Again, I don’t know but I would like to think she’d believe that the accolades the giver attempted to garner were all the reward they deserved. That somewhere, at some point, she’d prove that good acts performed with wrong intents eventually backfire on the giver.

What really warms my heart is when good things are done without thought and in private. When you pay for the coffee of the person behind you without sticking around to receive thanks. When you donate to a cause and do so without announcing your donation nor making sure everyone knows.

Kindness should be part of our morale compass. Our due north. We should see someone in need and we should provide it without expectations. We just do it because it is right.

Same is true in the case that led to this post. We hear of someone who needs a specific parking spot and we should do the right thing and give it to them. It shouldn’t be something we have to contemplate nor something we fight with. That very act of kindness should be as much a part of who we are as are the acts of breathing, or walking, or talking.

Our legacy to the next generation should be the good example we set, the kindness and mercy we give, even to those who may seem unworthy or the least deserving. Setting a positive example is what we should show to others and what we should teach our children.

Our time here should be spent ensuring that we leave the earth a better place than when we came into it. It would be sad if all that could be written on our tombstones was: “Here lies a self-centred jerk who made absolutely no positive contribution during their whole entire lifetime.”

Perhaps, because there was a time in my life when I spent three months bed-ridden, it has made me more empathetic and sympathetic. I appreciate what is involved for a person suffering from a life-altering illness to just get by in a world that can’t always understand how hard it is for them to get from Point A to Point B. This is particularly true for those whose conditions may present with no obvious outward signs: like COPD, CF, diabetes, organ failure or any of the other numerous chronic conditions. It’s not always easy to recognize that the person next to you, the one who seems perfectly okay, is actually struggling to get through the simple task you aren’t giving so much as a second thought to.

As I wrote that last sentence, I was reminded of the time I was kicked out of a public pool for apparently being belligerent. I wasn’t actually being so but to someone who was very close-minded, I was.

I am very myopic, to the point where I have, without a word of a lie, lost my glasses just by taking them off, putting them down beside me, then forgetting precisely where I put them.

While I now wear contacts when I go swimming, back then, I knew nothing about those little wonders of eyewear technology. Once I’d removed my glasses, I could see nothing more than amorphous shapes. In an environment I’m familiar with, I can probably tell you what those shapes are based on my ingrained memories. Otherwise, everything just becomes a blurry mass.

It was while I was viewing the world from that perspective, that my siblings and I decided to head to the deep end of the community pool one day. I didn’t really care for it, not being a strong swimmer. I also didn’t care for diving boards, since I’m terrified of heights. Still, I was a kid and I was going to do what everyone else was doing just because that’s what kids do.

At some point, I did a dumb thing. I jumped in where I shouldn’t have. Again, I was a kid and didn’t get that if you dive into the same general area as the people coming off the diving boards there could potentially be a most painful collision. What did I know? I couldn’t see a dang thing. I didn’t get how close I’d come to the danger zone nor could I truly see where it was.

I take responsibility for my dumb action. I should not have done that. I didn’t get it back then but I get it now. My issue is with what came next.

I heard a whistle but didn’t realize it had been blown at me. Since I rarely ever got into trouble, it didn’t occur to me that I’d done something wrong. I only clued in when one of my siblings came to me and told me I was being summoned by the lifeguard.

More than a bit nervous, I went over to find out why only to have the girl ream me out for not having come over immediately when she whistled. I was a bit flabbergasted. I hadn’t seen her. Without my glasses, there was no way I would have been able to see her from her seat on the opposite side of the pool. I would have been able to make out the out-of-focus mass that was her and her chair but I would not have seen anything more.

I tried to explain this but she was having none of it, even when I told her that I normally wear thick glasses and see nothing when I don’t have them on.

Her response: “I wear glasses too and I would have been able to see that far away.” Then she kicked me out of the pool and told my siblings they shouldn’t hang around with me any more because I was a troublemaker.

I got all fiery about the troublemaker comment but I was even more miffed about the inference that I was lying. She based that on what? Her belief that the whole universe has the exact same eye disorder? That everyone who wears glasses has the exact same prescription?

Truly if baffles the brain to wonder why optometrists insist on eye exams and customizing glasses when it’s so obviously not necessary.

Yes, I’m being sarcastic!

My point is, rampant stupidity, whether it be from a dim-witted lifeguard or a self-absorbed parking spot hog, bothers me. People who can’t see the world past their own narrow blinders make me want to pull out my hair . . . and their hair too.

Moral of this already too long tale is we’re all in this life together. We can choose be jerks about it or we can actually care and respect the rights and challenges others are facing even when those conditions are not be immediately obvious. Care about something and someone other than yourself. Show some respect. Be kind. Be courteous. Be nice.

Don’t be a jerk! The world is already drowning under a sea of them.