Lately I’ve been watching a lot of online videos focussed on the topic of supposed telltale traits and idiosyncrasies of Canadians.

Strange thing is, I’ve been a Canadian all my life. Born and bred here. Other than that one incident, that I touched upon in an earlier blog where I was out-of-country for all of an hour, I’ve never left the Great White North. Yet things that are seemingly common knowledge to those outside this fair country are, strangely, things I have little or no knowledge of.

For example, can someone please tell me where I can find all these Canucks who are reputedly running around mispronouncing the word ‘about’ so that it’s heard as ‘aboot’.

Well, probably they are not actually running, now that I think about it. That would, undoubtedly, be hard to do with those bulky ice skates and snowshoes strapped to their feet.

Supposedly, though, somewhere out there in the hinterland, dancing around igloos and teepees, there are whole colonies of the blighters.

Apparently.

Also, where are all these ketchup chip-loving freaks at?

Well now that’s not very Canadian of me, is it? We are normally such a nice, polite nation. My apologies.

Seriously, though, not once in my entire existence have I ever heard anyone say: “Tell me aboot yourself.”

It’s truly a wonder that I haven’t, since it’s the new ‘in’ thing. Yet, I’ve been around a lot of people, having worked as a reporter, news editor, a front desk clerk, a hotel manager and in the customer service industry. Thousands of people I’ve met during my lifetime and through my various career changes and not once have I ever heard someone pronounce ‘about’ as ‘aboot’. Unless they were actually talking about “a boot”, as in a covering that goes on one’s foot.

In this country, we say the word as do most other English-speaking countries, with the ’bout’ part pronounced as in: “He was suffering from a bout of the flu.”

Absurdly, though, it seems to be a predominate belief, elsewhere. A truth only those not from Canada know about.

What I’d like to know is if whoever started this rumor has ever actually been to Canada? Have they ever spoken to a Canadian? Most importantly, do they need to have wax cleaned out of their ears?

That makes as much sense as the notion that ketchup-flavored chips are a Canadian staple. Says who? I know precious few above school-age who like ketchup chips. Until I’d seen it on the internet, I didn’t even realize they were out there representing Canada. Just because they are somewhat white chips, covered in a red coating, which are coincidentally the same colours found on our flag, that doesn’t make them a Canadian favorite.

Truly, they are most vile!!!!

If we are going to be picking a chip flavor to represent us, how about dill pickle? This too is a flavor predominately found in Canada but at least it’s one that actually tastes good.

Ketchup chips are not, however, the only foods we apparently have in our Canadian repertoire. According to international reports, there’s also back bacon, beer, maple syrup and poutine.

Lord, help us!

Maple syrup, I get. We have the trees. We produce some of the world’s best. It’s quite yummy on pancakes and in homemade barbecue sauce or baked beans. We even have days and festivals dedicated to it.

Poutine. Okay I’ll go along with this one, although I think the concept of it being yet another national treasure is a bit over-rated. Truly, it wasn’t even on my radar until I hit young adulthood and, even then, I don’t think it’s passed over my lips more than a dozen times. Granted, it’s not bad. Anything with cheese on it is good in my books, especially if it’s Canadian-produced cheese. Lord knows we fjsssssssssgrow our own fair share of potatoes here so we need to have some kind of foods dedicated to them. Still I question why, with all the other options available to us, the tasty spud has to be predominately featured in the creation of soggy fries and vomit-flavored chips?

When I think about Canadian foods, I think of things that locally produced and are super tasty. Things like B.C. salmon. Shellfish and fresh fish from the east coast. Sweet summer corn and tomatoes. Spring asparagus. Juicy strawberries and raspberries. Beef from Alberta. Ontario’s peaches, apples and pears. Butter tarts. Wild blueberries. Bannock. Montreal smoked meat and bagels. Swiss Chalet and Tim Horton’s.

Another thing that has always puzzled me is why tourists come here expecting to see igloos, moose and polar bears. Heck, I’ve been here all my life and have never, ever seen an igloo. Tried to build one once. The roof caved in. ‘Twas not a huge success. Perhaps if igloos actually lined both sides of Main Street, Canada, as some are prone to believe, I would have had the first-hand knowledge I required to successfully construct one but, alas, we just have boring, modern homes–like the rest of the world.

I suppose there’s also a pressing need to clarify another myth. The reason we don’t have igloos throughout Canada is because they’d be puddles most of the year, which would not be conducive to staying warm and dry. That’s because it actually doesn’t snow year-round in Canada. Shocking, I know. Heck, truth be told, some years, in some areas, it barely snows at all. In fact parts of Ontario, Quebec and the eastern provinces lie further south than the most northern parts of the United States. That doesn’t save the poor East Coast from suffering the brunt of Old Man Winter’s fury. However, the last couple of years, in Ontario,  we’ve barely needed to pull out our winter boots. In fact, I spent most of last winter wearing only a pair of comfy shoes.

As for polar bears, good grief! You’d have to travel mighty far north to see one of those critters. Your odds of sighting a moose are better and those odds greatly improve if you are a hunter.

Still, the odds are against you.

In my entire existence, I can count on one hand the actual number of times I’ve sighted a moose. Yet, during the years I worked in the accommodation industry, it never ceased to amaze me when tourists would come in asking for directions to the closet spot where they could go and witness one up-close-and-personal.

That leads me to a whole other topic, that being I may not have much experience with our Canadian moose but I know enough to respect that they are one of those creatures you don’t want to be getting so close to that you can take a selfie with. Mostly because of the sheer size of them. You tick them off and they may come charging towards you. The rules of physics dictate that if that happens, you are most likely going to wind up a pancake.

Not to fear though. We have lots of maple syrup here that we can spread over your remains to give you a true Canadian send-off.

On the other hand, if Grizzly bears are what you are seeking, you might want to rethink that one too. They might view you as a tasty snack.

My suggestion would be that if you spot any large creature, while out for a Sunday drive during your visit to this wonderful country we call ‘home’, you’re best course of action is most definitely not to get out of your vehicle and see how close you can get with your phone camera. Not unless you’re aiming to get a picture of the tonsils!

In which case, all the power to you.

Won’t be an easy task, mind you. In their natural environment, moose are elusive creatures, kind of like the North American house hippo. It’s not likely you will find them wondering around out in backyards. I’ve never seen one in mine, anyways. I’ve seen a squirrel. Birds. Rodents. Groundhogs. Rabbits. Chipmunks. Foxes. I’ve seen wild turkeys hanging out on the outskirts of town. I’ve seen deer on the backroads. I’ve heard the coyotes at night but I have never seen one. Once, I even had a close encounter with a black bear while at a local campground. But I’ve never seen a herd of moose waltzing around town plowing over our igloos and chomping on ketchup chips. Not yet, anyways but I’m more than willing to forfeit my share of the chips to them, should it ever come down to that.

Another myth is that all Canadians are polite. I watched this vlogger recently go on about what polite drivers we all are?

My response to that is, “Has he driven anywhere in Canada?” because I can certainly tell you from experience that road rage and rudeness are, by no means, in short supply here.

I once had a woman tear a strip off me because I backed into her vehicle . . .  after she pulled into my driveway . . . while I was backing out of it.

I’ve been honked at. I’ve been cursed. I’ve been cut off. I even had some crazy person chase me down a highway then pull in front of me to force me to stop in the middle of the road so they could get out of their vehicle and ream me out because they were angry that I had pulled out in front of them.

So do we all have specific Canadian traits? I think not. We are truly unique, depending on the region we are from and the experiences we’ve had.

Okay, so there may be some we do share. I will admit to using the word “eh” on occasion. However, I will not claim hockey as my national sport nor will you find me kicking it back on the weekend with a brewskie in each fist. Confessing this may mark me an atypical Canadian but I hate both. Also, I traded in my dogsled years ago for a four-door automatic. I decided I’d rather cuddle the dogs and welcome them into my home as companions rather than to have them pull me anywhere.

Actually, a dogsled is another one of the things I’ve never seen in real-life.

Nor am I a fan of ice fishing, polar bear plunges, winter activities, winter-in-general, nor curling.

What I do love about my country is the vastness and diversity of its beauty, from its Great Lakes, to its expansive forests, to its mountains and its scenic backroads. I love that it’s a cultural melting pot, and that no matter where you visit, you will find unique groups of peoples who bring something special and wonderful to the nation as a whole. I love that you can spend weeks taking a road trip across the provinces and literally feel like you are travelling to different countries, all while staying in your own. I love the priorities put on free or affordable healthcare and promoting a fair minimum wage. I love that Canadians are some of the most educated people in the world, with a large percentage of our population in possession of post-secondary diplomas.

I love our flag.

I love our maple leaf.

I love those who take pride in our military veterans and in our Indigenous peoples.

I just love being a Canadian!

But I still hate ketchup chips . . .

. . . and beer. . .

. . . and snow!